“Re-Writing the Business Warriors Code”

Insights on Control and Influence.

This article is dedicated to all the spouses or significant other in the life of an entrepreneur business owner. I must make a confession. After 34 years of marriage with 30 years in business as an owner or key executive, I finally get it. It’s the difference between being King Arthur and Merlin the Magician. One has control (or thinks so) and one has influence. And hopefully my fellow business owners, you will recognize it too and appreciate the difference. If this article doesn’t get home to the kitchen table, I’ll be real disappointed. If it does, welcome to the club of enlightened warriors.

We’ve also heard the stories of achievement and tragedy living in the same house. These two guests of life visit, one we chase and one we feign. Most times, Significant Emotional Events help us see something over time that we haven’t seen before. And so is the purpose of today’s journey. To the warrior you see in the mirror, we haven’t forgotten you, but this article isn’t all about you. Today we give the recognition and appreciation to those unspoken anchors of our lives, our spouses. All along, they may have been quietly guiding us through the fog of our business trials without controlling anything. Influence seems to provide us important work/life lessons. We might start with how we got here in the first place.

What launched us into business may have been about doing it our way — saber rattling achievers pursuing the seat of business icon. That is, until the financial events of the past year where we had no control over the turbulence thrust upon us. One of those exceptional times in life where we could not dodge circumstances and when reality demanded honest confrontation. Similarly in 2005, our daughter of 26, married with a 9 month old, was suddenly diagnosed with non-Hodgkins lymphoma. After a standard chemo protocol didn’t do the job, she underwent a successful stem cell transplant at Johns Hopkins. She’s now 4 years in remission and in perfect health. For a guy who had lived under the illusion of control of his business choices and direction, this was a two-by-four wake up call to the pack mule. And the reasons simply put by the doctors? Bad luck.

But ironically her sudden misfortune and our journey gave me a gift as a primary caregiver — a personal epiphany on the meaning of work. The insight? It’s the difference between influence and control. As a caregiver I had influence, but no control, very difficult for me to swallow. And I had to learn how to deal with this paradox. Influence took much more work and energy than the instant control switch. Yet as I reflected on the financial events of 2009 years later, I realized our spouses live this dance with us every day. Kind of remarkable, isn’t it?

The illusion of control allows us to believe that we can just expect to have things go our way, a fallacy of the way life in business really works. Think about it. It’s a wonder with all the complexities and variability in business life that anything gets done. Someone once said that life is what happens to you when your plans go awry. And so the lessons of influence are noteworthy. It’s less about the latest fad in management, or process, intention, or sheer will of one person to move mountains. Rather, it’s more about what values we live and who we are at work and at home.

Leadership and compassion reside here. It’s about adopting a personal philosophy and spirituality about work that provides meaning in one’s life….a warrior priest mentality. Our spouses knew that we needed this depth all along. Purpose at work adds meaning and fulfillment. Achievement then becomes an ideal greater than oneself or ones material accomplishments. It’s what legacies are made of in bettering mankind. We are now called to adopt and live these values regardless of our insecurities lurking in shadows.

Every spouse knows the business warrior’s guard — the armor of fear hiding raw vulnerability that can drive one to be a jerk or a saint. Unless confronted and dealt with in the mirror, the warrior remains controlled by the same illusion (s)he believes.  When the armor is taken off the warrior becomes human. It’s then that the real person emerges. It’s not about style, accomplishments or status but rather about the depths of who we are and the legacy we will leave behind impacting others along our journey.

The business warrior’s code that we once believed can now be re-written. For business warriors, these enlightening words are tough to live — servant leadership, stewardship, self reflection and examination, vulnerability, others before me, sacrifice and humility. And so it may be that the voices we hear in the darkest hours of quiet reflection are actually calling us to influence the financial world as we knew it by changing our perspectives. We may be finally getting the lesson. The Great Awakening of financial truth this past year may be providing us a lasting gift.

To the spouses in our lives, let us be reminded of your unwavering strength and ability to be our solid ground in shifting sands of our business warrior lives. For that we are grateful. We are mindful of our new role as warrior priest, to allow our humanity to show when the battle-stained armor is on or off. We realize the financial events of the past year have impacted us deeply, but also know that it has provided great lessons in truth, humility and gratefulness. As we prepare budgets and dreams for the new fiscal year, let us aspire to live lasting values in tackling the critical and creative business challenges that lie ahead.

David W. Wimer, CBI^®, M&AMI^® - is Principal of Marathon Business Group, LLC an investment banking firm where Mr. Wimer provides insightful business transition expertise to owners of privately-held businesses. He can be reached at Email: david@davidwimer.com .

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